Worship

"My happiness is found in less of me and more of You." -Shane and Shane

I have a serious problem...I ask God for thing after thing and He blesses me time and time again...but I rarely go to Him because of who He is. Sad right? I mean, God is infinite and unfathomable, yet He cares for me and loves me so much. ME! I don't deserve His love, yet He gives it to me unconditionally and I just can't seem to return it. It breaks my heart to realize this. I don't want this to be true of my relationship with the One who sent His Son to save me. He deserves more than that from me.

I guess I truly realized this last Sunday. Some quick background information: I absolutely love to sing. My aunt has a home video of me, my 2 brothers, and my cousin Lisa when we were little and I sang the entire "Super Turkey" song - motions and all. While I was singing and in my own little world on that fireplace, Lisa was turning people into frogs with her wand, Zach was counting to 5 then jumping off the fireplace, and Blake was singing his favorite song from "Free Willy" which happened to be "Will You Be There" by Michael Jackson. I have loved to sing and perform since I could form sentences. I did choir in elementary school, middle school, high school, and church. I was in the worship band for "children's church" at my church in Maryland and I was in the high school worship band at my old church in Albuquerque. However, now that I'm in college, I just really like to sing in my car and around my apartment. Especially after this past summer in San Diego, I realized that by singing the way I had for all those years, I was seeking my own glory. I didn't sing to glorify God; I sang because I knew I was good and it was an ego boost. Needless to say, I am now a behind-the-scenes girl. I like to serve others and that results in me not being on a stage and singing in front of people. Flash back to this past Sunday: I had to sing the feature song at church. I was terrified because I was singing by myself and I hadn't sang in front of others in a very long time. I prayed that God would calm me down and that I would be able to get through the song just fine. I prayed that morning on the drive from Albuquerque to Cruces. I prayed while we were setting up for church. I prayed while the band was practicing. I prayed while I was practicing. I prayed throughout the entire sermon. I prayed during the 5-6 minute prayer as I was up on stage before I actually had to sing. It was in those final minutes before I sang that I finally felt peace. God showed me that He had given me this gift to bring Him glory and that nothing else mattered. It didn't matter what people thought of me. It only mattered that I was singing a worship song to God and that I BELIEVED every single word I was singing. It felt so good to sing to my God with praise and worship in my heart. But then after I was done, I don't remember thanking Him for giving me that peace or getting me through the song. I had asked Him for help all day long, but I didn't bother to thank Him or talk to Him once I was done. Maybe I was just overwhelmed...I dunno.

So after this drastic realization, I have been listening to worship music on my iPod. However, after about the 4th time through the playlist, I realized I needed new worship music. Since I can't buy any, I'm just constantly listening to worship on Pandora. I made a "Shane and Shane" station today and I must say that I am thoroughly enjoying it. This is allowing me to see God in a new way. I am hearing all of these words that are just giving God the glory and praising Him...and not because of anything He has done, but just because of who He is. He is holy and I will praise Him. During my quiet time this morning, I chose to limit myself as far as what I asked Him for. I asked Him for 3 things...

1. Guidance during the day in everything I say and do.
2. That He would raise the $300 I need in support for San Diego by March 17th.
3. That He would give me wisdom and discernment as I study His Word.
   

Usually, I go on and on with requests, but today I went on and on with praises and with reminders of who God is...to everyone and to me. The beauty of it is that I felt complete confidence in Him at that point - especially when I asked Him for #2. Support raising scares me, but today, God told me I could always be confident in Him. He will provide and I BELIEVE that He will provide that $300 I need by March 17th. I am confident in Him. He is Jehovah Jireh! I have no reason to not be confident in Him! I have no reason to worry! I only have reason to worship Him and to love Him.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." -2 Corinthians 12:9