SO GOOD!

Oh dear...words cannot even express what I am feeling right now. I am completely overwhelmed by God's goodness, His faithfulness, and His love for me! HE IS SO GOOD! I have been praying that He would raise the support I needed for San Diego by March 17th ($300) and He raised that...and then some! It's incredible! He is flooding me with His love and He has given me the security that San Diego is where He wants me to be this summer! It is such a good feeling!

"For He is the living God and enduring forever and His kingdom is one which will not be destroyed and His dominion will be forever. He delivers and rescues and performs signs and wonders in heaven and on earth." -Daniel 6:26-27

This past week as I have been digging into Daniel and going deeper in my quiet times, I have begun to recognize when Satan attacks me. I'll be fine and all of a sudden, insecurities will fill my head or my heart will feel heavy. Before, I would always just shrug it off, but I am now recognizing that these are ways in which Satan is attacking me. The only thing is his plan has backfired. These insecurities and things have only made me draw closer to God and I have begun to relish the history of the Bible. Through this Beth Moore study, I have been able to see how Daniel's time was just like ours and it is so encouraging me because God placed Daniel in the middle of Babylon when the Babylon mentality was about pleasure and luxury - not God. How is that any different from my situation? I don't want to give in to that mentality. I want to stay focused on God and what He has for me, because it is greater than anything I could ever think up in my head. I want to surrender everything to God.

This past week was also the last week in my journal that I have had for a year. I did have a separate journal for summer project, but still, this journal is the one I wrote in for 2009 and the first 3 months of 2010. It's so torn up and the bookmark fell out...it's a mess, but I love it. I bought a new journal and I'm so excited to start it, but this also makes me think about everything that has happened in the last year. I got that journal after my first trip to DCC and man was I on fire for the Lord. Even though I accepted Christ when I was young, I think I was still a baby in my faith. I had the knowledge, but I had never been consistent with quiet times or truly committed to growth in the Lord. That changed after DCC and I began to learn things about myself and about my faith. At this point, my identity was completely in guys and the acceptance of others. I thrive around people as it is, but I needed their approval at this point. If I thought someone didn't like me, it ruined my day. It took me going on San Diego Summer Project last summer to recognize this and stop it. I realized that I should be placing my identity in God and nothing else because He is the ONLY ONE who will truly never fail me. He may not give me everything I want, but He will never do anything to me that will not be for my benefit. What an amazing and core truth I learned last summer! My journal entries changed from seeking approval to praising Him and seeking Him. I wanted to know how my life fit into God's plan. I wasn't seeking my own advancement anymore. But then I just kind of lost touch. I would go a full month without a quiet time, then have one, then go for another chunk of time with nothing. Then we come to another DCC and the beginning of a new year. I have changed so much in the past year, but that change has been for the better. I have been changed by the people who have come into my life, but most importantly, Jesus changed me. Following Him is the best thing that has ever happened to me...why would I ever stop?

Worship

"My happiness is found in less of me and more of You." -Shane and Shane

I have a serious problem...I ask God for thing after thing and He blesses me time and time again...but I rarely go to Him because of who He is. Sad right? I mean, God is infinite and unfathomable, yet He cares for me and loves me so much. ME! I don't deserve His love, yet He gives it to me unconditionally and I just can't seem to return it. It breaks my heart to realize this. I don't want this to be true of my relationship with the One who sent His Son to save me. He deserves more than that from me.

I guess I truly realized this last Sunday. Some quick background information: I absolutely love to sing. My aunt has a home video of me, my 2 brothers, and my cousin Lisa when we were little and I sang the entire "Super Turkey" song - motions and all. While I was singing and in my own little world on that fireplace, Lisa was turning people into frogs with her wand, Zach was counting to 5 then jumping off the fireplace, and Blake was singing his favorite song from "Free Willy" which happened to be "Will You Be There" by Michael Jackson. I have loved to sing and perform since I could form sentences. I did choir in elementary school, middle school, high school, and church. I was in the worship band for "children's church" at my church in Maryland and I was in the high school worship band at my old church in Albuquerque. However, now that I'm in college, I just really like to sing in my car and around my apartment. Especially after this past summer in San Diego, I realized that by singing the way I had for all those years, I was seeking my own glory. I didn't sing to glorify God; I sang because I knew I was good and it was an ego boost. Needless to say, I am now a behind-the-scenes girl. I like to serve others and that results in me not being on a stage and singing in front of people. Flash back to this past Sunday: I had to sing the feature song at church. I was terrified because I was singing by myself and I hadn't sang in front of others in a very long time. I prayed that God would calm me down and that I would be able to get through the song just fine. I prayed that morning on the drive from Albuquerque to Cruces. I prayed while we were setting up for church. I prayed while the band was practicing. I prayed while I was practicing. I prayed throughout the entire sermon. I prayed during the 5-6 minute prayer as I was up on stage before I actually had to sing. It was in those final minutes before I sang that I finally felt peace. God showed me that He had given me this gift to bring Him glory and that nothing else mattered. It didn't matter what people thought of me. It only mattered that I was singing a worship song to God and that I BELIEVED every single word I was singing. It felt so good to sing to my God with praise and worship in my heart. But then after I was done, I don't remember thanking Him for giving me that peace or getting me through the song. I had asked Him for help all day long, but I didn't bother to thank Him or talk to Him once I was done. Maybe I was just overwhelmed...I dunno.

So after this drastic realization, I have been listening to worship music on my iPod. However, after about the 4th time through the playlist, I realized I needed new worship music. Since I can't buy any, I'm just constantly listening to worship on Pandora. I made a "Shane and Shane" station today and I must say that I am thoroughly enjoying it. This is allowing me to see God in a new way. I am hearing all of these words that are just giving God the glory and praising Him...and not because of anything He has done, but just because of who He is. He is holy and I will praise Him. During my quiet time this morning, I chose to limit myself as far as what I asked Him for. I asked Him for 3 things...

1. Guidance during the day in everything I say and do.
2. That He would raise the $300 I need in support for San Diego by March 17th.
3. That He would give me wisdom and discernment as I study His Word.
   

Usually, I go on and on with requests, but today I went on and on with praises and with reminders of who God is...to everyone and to me. The beauty of it is that I felt complete confidence in Him at that point - especially when I asked Him for #2. Support raising scares me, but today, God told me I could always be confident in Him. He will provide and I BELIEVE that He will provide that $300 I need by March 17th. I am confident in Him. He is Jehovah Jireh! I have no reason to not be confident in Him! I have no reason to worry! I only have reason to worship Him and to love Him.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." -2 Corinthians 12:9

Unexpected

Wow. What a long and crazy day.

1. Woke up at 5:30am and ate an omelet, some honey nut cheerios, and some oatmeal.
2. Drank some coffee, had a quiet time and got ready for school.
3. Filled up my entire water bottle, then left it on the counter at my apartment.
4. Class from 8:55-3:35.
5. Went for a run in the activity center...

Here's where it gets interesting...all day long, I had been looking forward to running then going to my bosu class at 5, but apparently, God didn't want that to happen. I finished running my two miles on the treadmill and started walking. All of a sudden, my body felt really heavy, my limbs got all tingly, and i got really light-headed. So I clung to the side of the treadmill with my iPod still on and I'm pretty sure I actually passed out while I was standing up. Once I came to, I sat down on the treadmill with my head between my legs for probably about 5 minutes with a ringing in my ears. Finally, everything returned to normal and I was able to walk out of the AC just fine. Pretty crazy, huh? I'm just glad I didn't throw up! After all that craziness, I wrote my support letter for this summer!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then, I couldn't print it! I went to 4 different computers in Corbett and none of them were connected to the only working printer in the place! Needless to say, I got really frustrated and just decided to leave and after eating food that was easy on my stomach and a good chat with the roommate, I sat down to write this and started reflecting on the madness that was today. I started out my day listening to a Beth Moore session and something she said really hit me.

Satan has no greater agenda than attempting to desecrate what God consecrates, but God does not overlook this. He gives us the ability to fight the enemy.

I learned that I am consecrated to God and I felt like today, Satan berated me with frustrations, lies, and inconveniences that caused me to look away from God. But it's good to know that I can come home, recognize all of this, and remember that He has given me the ability to fight Satan. One of the best things He has given me is prayer. No matter where I am, no matter what time of day it is, I know that I can always count on God and talk to Him about anything. He is so good and I know my hope is safe in Him. Now that's a good day. :)